C’est La Vie

Life is a struggle and for me this year has been far from an exception. The past few months to put it nicely have been hell, but things seem to be looking up. Too bad I’m awesome at making poor choices for myself. I’m still having fun with my friends and all partying, bowling, hanging out, and enjoying the simple things:

I have made countless mistakes in my life and I have learned from them, but sometimes I wonder what it will take for me to REALLY learn. I also want answers; why did things happen to me, why did I choose to do certain things, and most importantly what snapped this year to make it go so frickin’ down hill? I’m trying to trust in the Lord, but in all honesty I know I’m not really honoring him with my actions, and for that I feel even more guilty. I want death to be explained to me in all of its complexities and I want to know where and why I feel the way I do about it. One of my patients passed away this week and another elderly lady I used to provide respite care for passed away, and it was then that I broke down and finally started grieving the loss of my Grandfather, who passed over 7 years ago. On the upside I moved apartments! I will post pictures after the holiday. 



One comment on “C’est La Vie

  1. Sarah says:

    Hey Tara ❤
    I haven't commented before but have seen you quite a bit around the blogosphere. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time right now and having difficulty reflecting on a rough year. I can really relate to suddenly feeling as though you're grieving something that happened a long long time ago. This has been the case with my Gramma's death for me. I was so deep in my eating disorder when she died that I didn't experience much of the emotion of that loss, since getting treatment it has come up in spurts…which is scary and hard. But also healthy. You're allowed to have that sadness and to grieve. It's never too late, too much time hasn't gone by. It's painful and you need to process those feelings to heal. Take care of yourself during this time <3. I hope things start to feel a bit lighter soon. Hugs!

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